March 30th, 2011

steve & anna

Changes and Goodbye

I just threw my wedding ring into the duck pond. I want you to know, Ms. Eley, that I will always love the woman I married. I had faith in her, and trust in her, and she justified that faith and trust many times over. She was there for the best times and the worst times of my life. She made me a better man.

You are not that woman. I don't know what happened to you, or why. I'm sure I played a role in the changes that made you so afraid, so unable to give or receive trust and love. For my part in the hurt and fear you're feeling inside, I'm sorry. But I don't think your hurt is about me. Your fear isn't my fault. And it only makes things harder for both of us if I keep believing I can help you, or that you'll ever again treat me with the kindness and respect you gave me for seventeen years. I'll miss my Anna for the rest of my life. But she isn't coming back.

I would like to be friends. I am going to stop assuming it's inevitable, but I am here if you ever want me. Treat me like a decent human being, and I will do the same. And of course I will be the best father I can possibly be for our children. You're a great mother too. I don't think we've ever doubted our mutual love for Alex and Harper, and I do trust that our relationship about the children will remain positive and constructive.

I think I'm ready to give up on you now. I will try to be more businesslike and less emotional toward you from now on. My faith and trust are no longer extended. I suspect that will come as something of a relief.

Whoever you are, I'm sorry for the inconvenience I've caused you. If you ever run across my Anna inside you... Please tell her I said goodbye. I wish I could tell her myself.

Thank you for your time.

- Stephen Eley