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Changes and Goodbye

steve & anna
I just threw my wedding ring into the duck pond. I want you to know, Ms. Eley, that I will always love the woman I married. I had faith in her, and trust in her, and she justified that faith and trust many times over. She was there for the best times and the worst times of my life. She made me a better man.

You are not that woman. I don't know what happened to you, or why. I'm sure I played a role in the changes that made you so afraid, so unable to give or receive trust and love. For my part in the hurt and fear you're feeling inside, I'm sorry. But I don't think your hurt is about me. Your fear isn't my fault. And it only makes things harder for both of us if I keep believing I can help you, or that you'll ever again treat me with the kindness and respect you gave me for seventeen years. I'll miss my Anna for the rest of my life. But she isn't coming back.

I would like to be friends. I am going to stop assuming it's inevitable, but I am here if you ever want me. Treat me like a decent human being, and I will do the same. And of course I will be the best father I can possibly be for our children. You're a great mother too. I don't think we've ever doubted our mutual love for Alex and Harper, and I do trust that our relationship about the children will remain positive and constructive.

I think I'm ready to give up on you now. I will try to be more businesslike and less emotional toward you from now on. My faith and trust are no longer extended. I suspect that will come as something of a relief.

Whoever you are, I'm sorry for the inconvenience I've caused you. If you ever run across my Anna inside you... Please tell her I said goodbye. I wish I could tell her myself.

Thank you for your time.

- Stephen Eley

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
pseudovillain
Mar. 30th, 2011 06:53 am (UTC)
I'm sorry my friend, this stuff is never easy.
sartorias
Mar. 30th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
browascension
Mar. 30th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
I wish you success in making peace with the past, and I hope this transition goes smoothly and that you get right on with the having of fun.
speaks
Mar. 31st, 2011 12:16 am (UTC)
Ouch. *hug*
solak
Apr. 1st, 2011 07:34 am (UTC)

This is the sort of thing one never wants to have happen, but when it must, it must. Carry on into the future and find your new mode of happiness there.

Martin Rundkvist
Apr. 11th, 2011 03:17 am (UTC)
Ouch, ouch
No fun Steve, I'm very sorry. But just hang on in there. My ex and I cooperate really well over our boy.

I was pleased to hear you on the recent Drabblecast episode!
(Anonymous)
Jul. 23rd, 2011 09:35 pm (UTC)
Oh Sh**!
Steve-
You have no idea who I am, but I know you well from just listening to ep001-200 over the past 2-3 months to the exclusion of everything else in my car. You are my friend. I have talked you and your show up to all my close friends who love SF and they've begun to listen. They agree that you would be a great person to know. At first I really was annoyed by your voice and sharp diction. Now I love it. The last few episodes have been handeled by a British fellow. Nicee enough, but I found myself missing my friend as I drove home up Riverside Drive. I was wondering what had happened to you so I goog'd you. That is why the subject. I found myself worrying about you, because I knew you weren't narrating anymore. I haven't gotten to the point where you stop and I am REALLY dreading it. I will have to start at the ep001 again just to stay sane.
I don't know what has transpired between you and Anna but I am so sorry. You have provided me with such wonderful entertainment, given rise to thoughtful debate with family and friends and sparked some wonderful ideas for stories. I hope this makes you feel a little better about things. Look, I've been meaning to write to you for so long now that I'm blathering like a star-struck kid. Feel free to email me at piperd@optonline.net and permit me the opportunity to express myself in a somewhat more collected fashion.
I'll close with a quote from one of ep's stories. It's about a quality that you do not posses, and for that I admire you. When trying to explain to a friend who you were, I found it easier to use the quote to explain you you weren't
I have it in my Blackberry memo section.
"You act like your own personal perspective is some sort of ultimate reality...and everyone else is right to the extent that their worldview matches yours."
Steve, I hope you're doing well. Please send me an email if you'd like. I can't thank you enough for all the hours of thoughtful enriching entertainment you've provided. I wish I could be more succinct, but I'm too happy to have found a way to contact you and distressed that things are not for the time being, good. They will get better.
I look forward to hearing from you, and hang in there.
Your friend,
Charles
fruitbane
Oct. 11th, 2011 08:36 pm (UTC)
I have never attempted to communicate with you in any way, even after years of hearing your voice and tales on Escape Pod. I'm always about 6 months or so behind, so when you departed I was confused. You'd opened the door to your life many times, but this change was confusing and blind, dark. I now understand why the personal stories thinned and you disappeared. Know that I always enjoyed hearing of your life, or even about your thoughts or your day, almost as much as the stories you selected and read.

This change will be hard on you, hard on her, hard on the kids, but knowing this kind of separation needs to happen and taking the plunge is better for all than trying so hard to live in denial. Your children will hopefully appreciate that someday.

Now that I've babbled stupidly for long enough, please know that I wish you the best, and I will hear your voice and stories when I can, where I find them. There will be better days.

(Hey, I'm only 4 months late on this news. I must be getting better.)
technoshaman
Jan. 3rd, 2012 05:44 am (UTC)
Late to this post... but I'm very sorry to hear this. Interestingly, I just had this happen to a very dear friend of mine.... with very little warning *bam* her partner's psyche disappeared and my friend nearly died as a result... she's much better now, but we both mourn the loss of someone we both loved at various points...

I'm also sorry to hear this because I really liked old-Anna as well...

Hope you're finding happiness... sounds like you'd collected some good people before this all went k-b...
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )