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The Girl

sepia hat

I’ve known kitanzi  for years. We’ve run into each other off and on, maybe a couple times a year, at various friends’ houses. She remembers that I asked her out the first time we met. It was at a party at Mark and Rachel’s, one where Dance Dance Revolution was the focal point, and given that I was younger then, I must have been either wired from silly dancing or moved by her to unusual boldness. I told her she was cute and asked if she’d like to have lunch. She declined; not out of any displeasure at the invitation, it was just that she didn’t know me.

She remembers this. Her husband remembers it, and my wife remembers it, and Mark and Rachel remember it. They’ve all told me about it with some amusement. I did not remember it at all until I was reminded. My memory sucks.

Thanksgiving Day, a couple of months ago: I’d finally gotten tired of feeling sorry for myself in the wake of the second heartbreak from the Professor, and I felt like coming out of my shell and being social. Our friends Brian and Suzan were having a friends’ Thanksgiving feast, and we went with Anna’s brown sugar brownies. Kit and her husband (autographedcat ) were there too. She’d brought this pumpkin trifle with an insane amount of rum in it. As usual, I thought she was really cute. I felt there was a bit of spark there. (Yes, before I tried the trifle.) I stayed close to her through most of the evening, and before she left I asked her to lunch again. This time she said yes.

Since then we’ve bumped around in the dark, we’ve seen dead people, and she’s introduced me to her world (Emma Bull and Tanya Huff are very cool people to hang out with, by the way). I’ve been reading to her: some of my stories, and then Gormenghast. She’s smart, she’s mature, she’s enthusiastic, she’s a clear communicator, she loves bad puns, and she kisses well. I didn’t think I’d ever meet a woman who appreciated my puns.

Anna likes her, and Rob likes me. I can’t go to their place without being lent more books and movies. Last time they sent me home with Animaniacs to entertain Alex. Ah, nostalgia. And I’ve paused from reading their copy of Winter’s Tale to write this. It’s a breathtaking book.

Things have gone very easily and very well. For a while I kept thinking it was too easy. She the same thing: she felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took me a while to figure out why I felt this way. It’s simply the first polyamorous relationship I’ve had that didn’t start out with a handicap. She’s local, and we’re both poly-experienced, and there are no spousal trust issues on any front. Everything’s out in the open, including our past baggage. It’s refreshing and wonderful, albeit not what I’m used to. (She kissed me on our first lunch date because she felt like it? It’s supposed to be harder than that! There’s supposed to be drama!)

I don’t doubt that at least some of it is rose-colored NRE glasses. It won’t continue drama-free forever. That’s probably fine. We seem to be comfortable with each other’s personalities and intentions, so hopefully we’ll make it through that. And if not… Well, I’m having fun right now. I’m feeling more balanced this time, I’m not going overboard and losing sight of work or family. So I think it’s all good.

I just wanted to talk about her a bit, since I hadn’t yet. She’s probably blushing like hell as she reads this. I hope she’s doing it at work, on her iPhone; it amuses me to think of her trying to hide her buoyancy from her coworkers, and failing. If I’m right, she’ll have her revenge on me later.

And that’ll be fun too.

You’re cool, Kit.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
radiantbaby
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:13 am (UTC)
Aww. Good luck with things. :)
sfeley
Jan. 13th, 2009 02:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm sorry we didn't see you Saturday night. Are you feeling better?
kitanzi
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:57 am (UTC)
Yes to the blushing, no to the at work, but it's a lovely thing to wake up to! *grin* And I think you're pretty awesome too, dear.
sfeley
Jan. 13th, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
I will work to keep fooling you, then. >8-P

Edited at 2009-01-13 02:41 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous)
Jan. 13th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)
Ghormenghast???
So you finally got round to reading the greatest work of fantasy in the English language?

Did you manage to get hold of "Boy In Darkness" - the allegedly for children but very sinister and spooky novel which is set inbetween books one and two.

What of the third volume which was written during the early onset of dementure - we can read about Titus' life crumbling more or less as Peake struggled to retain his faculties.

And if you can, get hold of some other Peake oddities - I liked "Letters from a Lost Uncle" - it's an early attempt at the Graphic Novel genre. It's very much like Raymon Briggs in it's tone.

Sal
sfeley
Jan. 13th, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
Re: Ghormenghast???
Thanks, Sal. I actually did start to read it before -- I got it from the library, renewed it twice, and over the course of those three months made it about halfway through the second book. I was entranced, but somehow after I returned it I never picked it up again.

So this is the second shot. Reading it aloud for a while every few evenings is going to take a very, very long time. But that's okay. It's a great read, and the language feels like it very much wants to be read aloud.
joshuwain
Jan. 13th, 2009 02:49 pm (UTC)
That sounds really lovely and enviable! My only experience with polyamory did not work out well but I can probably chalk that up to several matters owing to my own lack of experience and my boyfriend's lack of openness with me. It sounds like you have a really solid relationship and quite warm surroundings ... what a lovely post this early in the New Year! :)
joyeuse13
Jan. 13th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)
We're very happy for you here. This really seems like a Good Thing for both of you. :)
jenkitty
Jan. 13th, 2009 04:05 pm (UTC)
I met Kit and ACat a couple of years ago at GaFilk. Great folks. I often wish Seattle and Atlanta were closer so I could hang out with the East Coast folks more often.
silverstah
Jan. 13th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
Aw, yay! How lovely. :) Drama-free is the way to be. :)
kittyavatar
Jan. 14th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
This was a wonderful uplifting post, I am glad you are having so much fun.
vatavian
Jan. 15th, 2009 07:26 pm (UTC)
Poly as a conduit for Animaniacs, it is not the first time that has happened. In my case there were no small children to blame either. ;)
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )